America's Next Top Model

The Ones I Like
Renee - As she freely admits, she is a bitch, and she whines a lot, and of course she's too skinny, but she's pretty.
Natasha - Also pretty, not bitchy, not so crazy skinny, and has a cute Russian accent. In this one episode, they were doing photoshoots based on high school stereotypes. Natasha was supposed to be the Teacher's Pet. She was all like, "Vat ees Teacher's Pet?" b/c she doesn't speak English so well, b/c she's like, from Siberia and stuff. The other girls, and the photographer and everybody was like, "she's really struggling with this shoot, b/c she doesn't know what a Teacher's Pet is." Well, you could TELL HER what it is! You could take two minutes and EXPLAIN THE IDEA to her! I'm sure they have them in Russia, too, they just call them something else. Good grief.

The One I Don't Like
There's only one of the potential ANTM that i don't like, and that's Jaslene. Why don't i like her? Well, she's always talking about how much confidence she has and how that's the most important thing, and i can't see what she's got to be so confident about. How about do a good job, then feel good about it, instead of just assuming that you're the shit and expecting everybody else to assume it, too? And the judges are too nice to her. Screw them. She'll probably win.

Here's something from a News Radio episode (one of my favorite shows) that relates to models. It was delivered by the Cute Crazy Redhead of the show.
Pretty means Pretty
Beautiful means Pretty and Tall
Striking means Pretty with a Big Nose
Cute means Pretty and Short or Hyper
Stunning means Pretty with Great Hair
Exotic means Ugly


Search For A Pussycat Doll

This show has a really awful title. That's not it above. The real one is longer and clumsier. I call it Who Wants To Be A Skank? for short. That's not really short, though, just mean. I'm a bad person.

The Ones I Like
Sisely - the Cute Punk Rock Girl; not that she's really all that punky, only in comparison to the rest. She can be whiny and she stresses out and psyches herself out, but at the end of the day she's cute and comes off about 400 times smarter than all the other girls on the show. She said she had a punk or rock band. I wonder if they have free songs for download?

Chelsea - She really can't dance, which is a big minus in this competition, but she can sing and she is pretty. After the makeover, with the Betty Page bangs, she is really hot. Like, crazy hot. I'm not kidding about the hotness.

The Ones I Don't Really Care About
All the rest. One of them will win.


Both of these are trashy "reality" shows that reward bad behavior, and i really should be ashamed to admit that i watch them. In fact, i may delete this post when my overdeveloped sense of guilt kicks in (no idea where it is right now).

I was gonna just straight up steal Ami's and Joel's ideas and post my version of DC's superheroes, and i may yet do that, but then i decided i'd talk about what i'd do if i was the boss of DC Comics. I'm sure other people have done this before, but i don't know who they are, so i can't tell you from whom i'm stealing. (For the record, my version of the DCU would involve two main parallel worlds, one anchored by Superman, the other by Captain Marvel.)

1. More Than One Continuity - I'd put characters into worlds that suited them. If Plastic Man is too light-hearted to really work in the sme world as the darker Batman, then there's no good reason to force them together. And if there was a good alternate take on Superman or whoever that wouldn't fit into the normal line, i'd go with it anyway. For example, that Wonder Woman project that was proposed a while back, that was drawn in the Japanese "girls' comics" style, that DC turned down: I would have jumped at that opportunity.

2. A Non-Boutique Line of Books - Let's face it. The comics made for the direct market are made for a niche market of connoisseurs. I, and fans like me, dig them, but they don't suit a lot of people in the broader marketplace. If i were the boss of DC, i'd produce a line of comics designed for the casual reader. They'd take the form of magazines--a hundred or so pages on cheaper paper--and collections. I'd do a lot of research into what sells at B&N and Borders and such, and tailor the content to grab that audience. I'd be kind of mercenary about it; what sells is what would get published. The point is to get comics out to a wider audience again, and every other consideration would go by the wayside. The comics produced for the direct market would still cater to the connoisseur, but these comics would cater to the casual reader.

3. Stuff Would Be On-Time - When you solicit a comic as a monthly periodical, it should come out every month. No further explaination should be necessary.

Okay, that's enough for now. I know it's pretty general, but what do you think?

Whoever out there in Netflix Land who's holding on to The Wire Season 1, Disc 1, send it back already! That's been on the top of my list for months, and it's never available. Why are you hogging The Wire S1D1??? Don't you know that other people want to watch it? C'mon, be a considerate Netflix community member and send it back. Sheesh.

There have been a few more stories come out of the New York Comicon. This one, again from Newsarama, covers the Dark Horse panel.

>Atkins then asked the audience, “Who likes extreme violence?” When the reaction was not up to his expectations, he deadpanned, “Don’t be so shy; everyone here wanted to raise their hands.” <

Or maybe they didn't want to raise their hands. Maybe the audience isn't as thirsty for violence as publishers assume. Afterall, it's getting old at this point even for fans who once thought it daring.

Also, consider that a lot of people probably came to this panel for news on Star Wars and Buffy comics. Neither of those properties offer much "extreme violence". Yes, they have sword fights and martial arts and monsters, but only a few instances of violence that i'd think of as "extreme". It was a big deal when Vader chopped Luke's hand off b/c all the violence up to that point had been fairly unrealistic. Ditto with the few times that Buffy or one of her friends got significantly injured. Most of the violence on that show resulted in vampires turning to dust, which is very fanciful.

>He then told readers about MPD Psycho, a manga series that is so violent and so extreme that nothing anyone has ever seen will compare. He added that the series is highly requested, but “none of the other publishers would touch it.” It is a compelling story that people need to read, with lots of blood and gore, he concluded.<

Maybe there are readers out there who are excited or intrigued by that, but to me it sounds boring. Whether it's been "highly requested" i can't say, b/c i don't follow Japanese comics that closely.

>Allie announced that Joss Whedon and Bret Matthews are writing, and Will Conrad penciling, a new Serenity comic series. The [snip] series will debut in “probably September or October.” It takes place early in the series, before the movie, so “everyone is still alive.”<

That could be good. Firefly was much stronger as a TV series than a movie. It's biggest appeal was the characters, and character-driven stories are antithetical to Big Action Movies. Comics, however, are well suited to that type of storytelling, since the pacing is very flexible, and the financial pressure to make things big and blockbustery isn't there.

This week the theme of Movie Night was "Really Bad Movies". I had planned to show Hercules in New York, the first film starring Arnold Schwartzeneger, and Xanadu, a musical starring Olivia Newton John. (Xanadu also has a big element of Greek myth, so it was really a double theme!) However, Herc proved to be as much as we could handle, so we watched Danny Deckchair second.

What can i say? Everything in Hercules in New York is pretty terrible. Yet i can't badmouth it, because it made me laugh harder than anything has in a long time. The scene where Arnold wrestles a guy in a cheap bear suit is the most trancendently goofy thing you'll ever see. I wholeheartedly recommend it for anyone who enjoys a good Bad Movie now and then.

News from the New York ComiCon

Obviously i didn't go, but i've been reading some of the news online.

DC is going to do a new Captain Carrot & his Amazing Zoo Crew series. This is one i loved as a kid. It was a funny book starring a bunch of "funny animal" style characters (think Looney Toons) that lightly spoofed superhero comics. It's been years since i looked at them (i'm 99% sure the whole run is still in my collection), but i fondly remember them. It was one of the series that i had a subscription to back in the day (1982).

The good news is that the original artist, Scott Shaw! (he always adds the exclamation point), is drawing it. The bad news is...Well, just read this excerpt from Newsarama's story.

>NRAMA: Is the comic going to pick up where that [recent] Teen Titans story left off -- with Little Cheese dead, Alley-Kat-Abra in jail for his murder and the new character American Eagle joining the team?

BM: Well, we don't pick up exactly where that story left off, but we have kept the continuity intact. I was tempted to ignore it though. Scott told me that a lot of fans were outraged at the idea that Alley-Kat-Abra was a murderer. [snip] But I figured if we're updating these characters, why not have stories that deal with contemporary themes like heroes turning bad.

So yes, Alley is still in prison, Little Cheese is still dead, and American Eagle is the newest member of the Zoo Crew. But other developments have occurred that hinder the group's ability to function. President Mallard Fillmore has resigned from office because the press discovered that he bribed Felina Furr (A.K.A. Alley-Kat-Abra) to give up the Zoo Crew's secrets. The new administration is hostile toward capes, so the Zoo Crew is forced to operate more covertly [snip]

There's also a war brewing in the United Species of America between land and sea animals. It's a war of words until a little goldfish girl dies from exposure to toxic waste and amphibian terrorists begin blowing things up.<

WTF?! This is a HUMOR comic! And a fairly silly one, at that! Why would anyone want to put terrorists and all that rot in it? I really hope that this bit of news is some kind of elaborate joke that i just don't get. That is...so...crazy...wrong...i am dumbfounded.

The interview continues.

>NRAMA: Terrorists? This is one intense funny animal comic.

BM: Captain Carrot's world is definitely a darker place than it was in the '80s, but not so dark that we won't be able to have some laughs.

NRAMA: So you would still describe the title as a "humor" comic?

BM: Yes, absolutely, but I hope adult readers won't dismiss it for that reason.<

You hope adult readers won't reject it for being humorous, but you apparently hope adult readers will embrace it for being dark? Well, (if this story is accurate) this adult reader is going to reject it not because it's humorous, but because it's dark. Holy frikkin crap, people--a Captain Carrot book with terrorists!!! Why should i need to explain why that is a bad idea? Could someone please explain to me why DC would think it was a good one? Or why any reader would be turned on by it???

Okay, on to some non-insane news, still from DC.

They claim that 52 will have a definite ending, and not just spill over into their next weekly series. I'm hopeful, but i'll wait for the fat lady to sing on that one.

>Asked about All Star Squadron trades, Bob Wayne seemed to suggest that, based on audience response, they think they can do some large Showcase collections of the material.<

This is one of the other comics to which i had a subscription back in the day. I believe i have all, or nearly all, of the 60 issues in my collection. So, i won't be buying a Showcase collection, but maybe some new folks will read them and see how cool this series was.

>It was then announced by Didio and Simone that Norton will be the regular artist on All-New Atom after signing his exclusive.<

That's awesome. Norton did great work on his recent issues. He has a strong style and can apparently work on a monthly schedule.

Here's a nice bit from a panel on increasing female readership.

>Wendy Pini [writer/artist of the long-running Elfquest series] feels it is really tough to bust the misconception that women shy away from high drama, violence, issues of the day, and confrontation. Women can enjoy that and eat it up. On Elfquest, the worse they put the characters through, the more their female readers seemed to enjoy it. As long as the conflict is meaningful and has a reason for being, women are not just accepting of it, but excited to see how it turns out. "Girls don't just like cotton candy or foo-foo or fluff", as evidenced by the darkness of Sandman that still appeals greatly to women. Audry Taylor chimed in to share that women have the biggest problem with books that show women as doormats, rather than strong female leads.<

More publishers are starting to distribute in electronic format.

>Top Cow VP Filip Sablik revealed that Top Cow is partnering with videogame/entertainment online giant IGN.com to offer online versions of their comic books for full cover price ($2.99). According to Sablik, the issues will be offered online at the same time that they are offered in stores and be in PDF format. Also yesterday, Marvel's Dan Buckley indicated an online initiative is in the plans at the publishing giant as well, although it is apparently not as far along as Top Cow's.<

I question the prudence of charging full price, but i applaud more distribution methods. I've bought some comics in PDF format from DriveThruComics.com, and been happy with them. The comics on that site are usually 1.99 for a standard-length issue. Slave Labor Graphics has been doing this for, oh, a year i guess, and recently launched Eyemelt.com to focus on digital versions of their comics, for as little as 69 cents apiece. There's also PullBoxOnline.com, which is mostly IDW's Devil's Due Publishing's comics, for 99 cents each.

The folks who are really ahead of the curve on digital comic books, though, are FlashBack. Their comics are produced specifically with the digital format in mind. The "pages" are formatted like a computer screen, so you don't need to scroll up or down to read a whole page, as you do with traditional comics ported into PDF or CBR formats. You read a page, hit , and read the next, with each page filling the whole screen. And they're free.

This post on I Against Comics got me to thinking about the motivations for creating in certain directions. And thinking about that reminds me of a story from my life. Some of us comics fans are unhappy with the level of violence, "grittiness" and angst in modern comics (superhero comics, especially). So we wonder why these elements have become more prevalent, since we don't understand the motivation for putting them in there in the first place, in such large doses. Some folks think that the comic pros include them because that's what they want to see. That may be all or part of it, but i suspect that another motivator is involved, and that motivation is fighting against an assumed negative perception. I'll get into what that assumed negative perception is in a moment, but first i'll tell you that story from my life that helps illustrate why fighting such assumptions is, IMO, pointless and counterproductive.

So, in Junior High, i was a nerd. Pick up your jaws from the floor, folks. It's true; in a big, awkward, embarassing way. For my generation, this was the time that kids became concious of fashion. I understand that now all children are indoctrinated in the ways of couture much earlier, as the brand-conciousness of the fourth graders i tutor testifies. Anyway, I decided to buy some better clothes and make myself a bit less nerdy.

I went out and bought myself a pair of Air Jordans. This was the Old School, red-and-black version; if not the originals, darn close. They were, no doubt about it, very cool shoes. They would, i was sure, garner praise from my classmates. Not so. Instead, what they got me was a new taunt. Rather than being teased about having WalMart shoes, i now had "pretty boy" shoes. You see, being nerdy was bad enough, but being a nerd who tried to transcend his status was pathetic.

The lesson? People who don't like you can't be convinced to like you.

Now, how does this apply to comics, or any creative endeavor? Well, if you're working under the assumption that people look down on your work for element A, you might be tempted to go out of your way to make sure that element A is not in your work. You might even go a bit further and be sure to include element anti-A to drive the point home. While you hope this effort will convince people that your work should be looked up to rather than down on, all you'll end up with is pretty boy shoes.

Here's how i see it working in comics.
It begins with the assumed perception, which is:
- People think that comics are corny and 'just for kids'
Well, we can't have that, so we have to eliminate the stuff that encourages this opinion, so:
- Out with outlandish stories, powers, and such; rewrite your superpowers to be "realistic" and your characters to be more "serious", and make sure all your stories fit neatly into strict continuity
But that's not enough, because people still remember all those old silly things comics did before they got hip, so:
- Go to the opposite extreme. Heroes aren't just serious anymore, they're grim and gritty. They're tortured souls. They cross the line. And the villains! Hey, they mutilate and rape people now, buddy! How's that for corny, ya bastards?!
And that's pretty much where we find the "mainstream" comics industry these days. It's desperately working to prove that it's not corny or silly, or just for kids, so that all those perceived detractors will give in and admit that it's actually cool. And guess what? Comics sell a pathetic fraction of what they did back when they were corny and silly and safe for kids. See personal anecdote above.

So what do you do? Well, there's only one thing that can work in a situation like this. It's tough, and it will never get you universal acceptance and respect, but it gets you more respect than most folks deserve, and peace of mind, and that's honesty. On a personal level, when you're honest about yourself, the people who feel like you do, who share your interests and outlooks, or who simply aren't jerks, can know you, like and respect you. The people who don't sort of fall by the wayside, and don't matter anymore. Similarly, if DC and Marvel would stop worrying so much about proving that they aren't corny, etc. and would be themselves--i.e., use the strengths of the medium and its genres--they might find that more of the people who are attracted to comics would actually buy them.

What The Hell Con at Guilford College

It was this weekend. I went on Saturday and met some friends there. We mostly played games, which was fun. I got play the Nintendo Wii. That "wii-mote" controller takes some getting used to, but i like it. This girl beat me in the boxing game, twice.

We also played this game called "Horror Mall", which is about trying to survive in a zombie-infested mall. The manual was translated from French, and some of the translation choices were pretty funny. Then we played Puerto Rico, about building colonies in the old colonial times, and it was very cool, too, but they shut down the room before we finished.

We were gonna stay for the Geek Auction, b/c a friend of ours was gonna put himself up for sale, but it turned out he hadn't signed up in time. Too bad, b/c we were gonna heckle the hell out of him.

There was a small dealers' room. Acme Comics had a table in there with quarter books. So i had to buy some, but i did good, only buying four. They were four goods ones, too: Crisis on Infinite Earths #5 (1985); Space Adventures #9 (1978) this one reprints the first appearance of Captain Atom, with art by the great Steve Ditko; and two color reprints of old EC titles, Weird Science-Fantasy #2 & #3.

I also got some comics from the artists' room. Jennie Breeden was there selling the print versions of her webcomic, The Devil's Panties (as her business card says, "It's not Satanic porn, honest!") so i got #8 of that, and #0-3 of Gravy Boy, by locals Marty Blevins and Brian Shearer. Then there was a free one from Lulu.com, with samples from several comics they publish. I'll try to get reviews of all these blogged in the next few days.

All in all it was a fun con. It's small and very casual. It was great having friends plan to meet up there. There are always some folks i at least sort of know at these things, but i don't feel comfortable just glomming onto them. Hopefully we'll all get to go to Stellarcon in High Point next month.

Equilibrium
Wow this movie was good. It had some things that i personally enjoy in stories: a dystopian future, an evil repressive government against which our hero fights, and some inventive asskickery.

The world was nearly destroyed by the last worldwide war. After such horrible devestation, the remnants of mankind were willing to accept any regime that would prevent war breaking out again. It was determined that man's emotions were the most fundamental cause of all conflict. So a powerful drug was developed to inhibit all emotions. At the cost of love and joy, fear and hatred have been eliminated. Of course not everyone wants to be part of this coldly perfect society, and so the powers that be must seek out and destroy those who resist.

Christian Bale plays John Preston, a sort of special agent, called a "cleric", who hunts down those guilty of "sense-crime". When the clerics find a nest of rebels, a firefight usually erupts. This is where the asskickery comes in. The clerics are trained in the "gun katas", a type of martial art involving guns. By employing this art, one can, statistically, do the most damage to multiple opponents while avoiding being hit oneself. It may sound goofy, but trust me, it's very cool.

The rebels live on the outskirts of civilization, in bombed out buildings where they hoard restricted items like books, music, paintings, even mundane expressions of feeling like colorful lampshades and non-spartan furniture.

Preston's partner is Errol, played by Sean Bean. (Batman and Boromir on the same team!) Errol has stopped taking his meds regularly. He's also started keeping some of the contraband confiscated from raids.

Honestly, if you've read 1984 or Farhenheit 451, and have ever seen an action movie, you can guess where the plot goes from here. The way the movie gets there is very entertaining and satisfying.

I liked the way the writer(s) set up the evil regime. It didn't seem intended to represent any particular party or ruler, but rather the danger inherent in government itself, especially when coupled with a populace so terrified that they will sacrifice anything for supposed safety. It uses religious ideas where necessary--"faith" in the system is the justification used when others won't fly--but treats all emotion as destructive.

There are little hints about its development sprinkled throughout the film. One such bit of exposition I loved was an explanation of how two twentieth century innovations paved the way for its particular brand of tyranny. Emotion-inhibiting drugs provided the technical means to suppress all feeling, while "hate crime" legislation opened the door to criminalizing emotion.

Immediately after watching this, I rewatched several scenes. This is one that I definitely want to own. I highly recommend it.

Here are some more choice finds from comicspace.com.

The Ghost Robot and the Girl From Space
http://www.comicspace.com/joseg/comics.php?action=gallery&comic_id=62&cl_page=32
This is from the anthology Project Romantic from Ad House. It's sweet, in the romantic sense, and the colors are amazing.

Hawaiian Dick
http://www.comicspace.com/bclaymoore/comics.php?action=read&file_id=8223&cl_page=18
About a private detective in Hawaii in the 50s. Colors ain't bad on this one, either.

Bestiary Alphabet
http://www.comicspace.com/korybing/comics.php?action=gallery&comic_id=1799&cl_page=4
An alphabet of fantastic creatures.

Comicspace, the "social networking" site for comics fans and pros, has just added a feature by which members can post images of their own comics and art. There is some very cool stuff on there. Here's the link:

http://www.comicspace.com/comlist.php

I recommend just browsing and clicking on anything that looks interesting. There's superheroes, but there's a whole lot more, too. Do non-nerdy people realize how much breadth of variety there is in comics? There's plenty.

I'll point out one story I just read tonight, "Untitled", by Winston Rowntree. The whole short story is here. It starts off as a charming slice-of-life vignette, then has a big turn. The twist is jarring, but it makes sense in the end. It's twelve pages.
http://www.comicspace.com/winstonrowntree/comics.php?action=gallery&comic_id=963

Go look at the preview pages of these upcoming books from First Second. I really want these. Just check out this one panel from The Professor's Daughter.That's beautiful.

http://www.firstsecondbooks.net/catalog.html

Weeds
season one, disc one

Weeds is about Nancy, a suburban mom who sells pot. Her husband died suddenly not long before the series begins. She has two sons, one fourteen and the other around ten.

We aren't told what Nancy did before her husband died. I assume she didn't have a job outside the home, or else she'd still be doing it. We also don't know how she hooked up with her suppliers, although a later episode gives us a hint.

About her suppliers. They're a black family: Matron Heylia, her nephew Conrad, and a daughter Vaneeta. From the first episode, these characters bugged me because they're very much stock types, especially the mother. She's all sass and "mm-hmm" and threats to beat people's asses if they don't act right. This series is full of stock character types, but in most cases some individuality is added to them. Not for this family, though. The poor daughter barely gets a line in the six episodes that I saw. She's pregnant, but we don't know anything about the father, when she's due, whether it's a boy or a girl, etc. Conrad gets some development because he has a crush on Nancy, but that's it. It doesn't help that the only black people on the show are ones connected with drugs.

On those other stock types. One of the gags here is that the suburbs, and the people living in them, aren't as squeaky clean as they appear. Is this a revelation to anybody?! This theme has been beaten do death since the 50s, at least. We all know that we're all screwed up, no matter where we live or how we dress. Why some film-makers are still fascinated by this obvious fact is beyond me.

Still, the story of a pretty, fashionable mom dealing dope is rather novel. It's the teen sex, infedelity, snarky housefraus, and secretive homosexuality that are played out. I wish the story had started at an earlier point. It would have been interesting to see how she decided on this course, how she started working with her suppliers, how she built her customer base, etc.

The only character who's really interesting is Shane, Nancy's younger son. He appears to be the most hurt by his father's sudden death. The older son, Silas, doesn't show any signs of grief. But Shane is gets screwier every episode. One moment he's hunting a mountain lion with a BB gun, then he's writing gangsta rap (when he tells his principal not to worry because he's not really going to "cap any muthaf**kas", it provided one of the show's few real laughs), then he's recreating terrorist beheading videos. The kid who plays him is great in the role, too. His giant, unblinking eyes and matter-of-fact delivery of crazy lines is disturbing.

I'm not planning to rent the rest of this show, but I did watch the six half-hour episodes on the first disc. So I'd say it's so-so. Most of the show if done competently enough, but nothing is extraordinary, and it didn't have anything that really grabbed me.

Chasing Amy
Trivia: This is the 500th disc I've rented through Netflix, since April of 2004.

This is writer/director Kevin Smith's third movie, after Clerks and Mallrats. I'm conflicted about Smith's flicks. On the one hand, he has some major interests that I share, like comics, sci-fi, and slackerhood (more of a lifestyle choice than an interest, i guess). I also really like some of his dialog and humor. On the other hand, I don't share his interest in over-the-top sex jokes, and some of his dialog is too artificial.

I didn't enjoy Chasing Amy much. Part of that may be that I just don't like Ben Affleck, who plays the lead character, Holden, as an actor. But it's mainly two other things. One, it doesn't work as a romance for me. Two, too much of the dialog is labored and fakey.

Here's the gist of the story. Holden and Alyssa are comic book artists, on different comics. They meet at a convention and spend a friendly evening at a bar with other friends. Alyssa is pretty and funny, and Holden falls for her. Well, turns out Alyssa is a lesbian. They can still be friends, though, and they start spending a lot of friendly time together. Holden really falls for her now, and eventually declares his love. Alyssa freaks out, and they have a big argument in the rain. She runs off pissed, but hey, she runs back and kisses him. Turns out she loves him, too. Of course that's not the end of it, as they have plenty of issues to deal with, and a plot twist, but I don't want recap the whole thing.

There are some interesting ideas in there. Why do we love the people we love? The problem is that these ideas are worked out entirely in lengthy declarative statements from the characters. What's more, this dialog sounds like overly sincere livejournal posts, not people talking. The substance of what they're saying is intriguing enough, but if this is how it's going to be said, I'd much rather read it in text than listen to it being read aloud with a little bit of acting thrown in. It never engaged my emotions the way you want a romance to do, maybe because the language center of my brain was taking up all my personal bandwidth to process the dialog.

I wasn't sure how to take some other elements of the movie. Later on, Holden finds out that Alyssa's past was more sexually adventurous than he suspected. We're given this information in a monolog (of course) that's clearly humorous, in an over-the-top gross-out kind of way, but then a few scenes later, it becomes a highly dramatic plot point. This is a hard transition for me to make, to laugh at something because it's so outrageous and unlikely at one moment, and then be distraught over its implications the next.

In comparing this movie to romantic comedies that I've enjoyed (a short list), to try and figure out why parts of this movie didn't work for me, I thought of The Apartment, which starred Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine, and was directed by Billy Wilder. How do these relate in my mind? Well, the protagonists of The Apartment are, like those of Chasing Amy, very flawed and atypical as romantic ideals go. MacLaine's character, like Adam's, has an impressive amorous resume. The couple's romance is far from storybook fare. But it all works very well.

Where's the difference? Let me get my reviewer's snarky little insult out of the way first: Compared to Lemmon and MacLaine, Affleck and Adams are like two fourth graders performing in their church's Christmas play. (Imagine I made a similar quip degrading Smith's direction in comparison to Wilder's.)

There are lots of differences in storytelling, too. We aren't told any snickering gross-out stories about MacLaine's past. Instead, we're shown her current bad relationship in a way that both illustrates how unwise she has been and makes us feel sympathy for her at the same time. We know she's good at heart, worthy and of needful of love, not because dialog has told us so, but because we've seen it for ourselves in the progess of the story and the quality of the acting.

You should go out and rent The Apartment. It's a great movie. Or if you know me, come by and we'll watch it, b/c I've got it on DVD.

One last thing about Chasing Amy. I've heard lots of people say that Kevin Smith is a bad director because he doesn't use the camera well. This is something that I didn't notice in his other movies, so I made a point to look out for it in this one. (Normally, I'll notice outstandingly good shots and cinematography, but if it's bad, I guess I subconciously lump it into a movie's generally suckiness.) What I noticed were a lot of single-camera scenes. A scene tends to be shot from only one angle. Both camera and actors often stay in one place for an entire scene. Now, when two or more characters are simply talking to each other (most of this movie), there's no real need to move the camera around, but doing so once in a while would add something.

I also noticed that an awful lot of the locations and sets were drab and boring. If banality is part of the story--like in Clerks, where the plain convenience store worked to set the mood--that's fine, but here it just managed to give the proceedings a pale backdrop.

One thing I dug about the movie was that it featured the work of one of my favorite comics artists, Mike Allred, creator of Madman. When you see the stuff that Affleck's character has drawn, that's actually drawn by Mike Allred. (http://www.aaapop.com/main.php) Allred also has a cameo in the comics convention scene at the beginning. You should read some Madman comics. Or, you can read mine, but they don't leave my house. ;)

Comments are now enabled. I didn't realize this was set so that only people with blogger.com accounts could comment. So, it's fixed. Comment away!

Five Short Movie Reviews
Some disks I got from Netflix last week

Die, Monster, Die! / The Dunwich Horror
These flicks came on one double-sided disk. They came from the same production company, and they're both based on short stories by H.P. Lovecraft.

Die, Monster, Die! feels less Lovecraftian of the two. An American goes to Arkham, England (see? in the stories, it's Arkham, Massachusetts; strike one) to hook up with a pretty blond girl he met in college. When he gets to town and asks about her house, peole shun him. They refuse to give him a ride to the house, which is outside town, or even to rent him a bicycle. So much for quaint English hospitality. Well, they're all convinced that the pretty blonde girl's family is crazy and evil, so you can't blame them too much. Instead of asking, "Hey, howcome you folks go all wiggy when I ask about this house?" Mr. American just huffs a bit and walks to the house.

Of course, this girl's family really is crazy and evil. Or at least her dad is. He's got a meteorite that's highly radioactive. It makes plants grow huge, but it also makes people get sick and eventually turn into dust. Mr. American discovers this, rescues the girl, yadda yadda.

I didn't like how they focused on a scientific explanation for the weirdness.

The Dunwich Horror feels more like Lovecraft stories I've read. No meteorites or scientific explanations here. It's all otherworldly elder horrors seeking to wreck their malific vengeance on mankind.

Specifically, it's Al from Quantum Leap who's trying to sacrifice Sandra Dee in a ritual that will bring the Old Ones back to Earth so they can kill everybody. Why Al wants this isn't clear, but you can tell he's crazy from that freakazoid stare he has going on for the entire movie.

Apparently Sandra Dee is a little freaky herself, because she's turned on by Al's unsettling stare. So much so that she lets herself get clumsily manipulated into spending the weekend at Al's old house on the outskirts of Dunwich, MA. Al continues to casually brainwash her over the weekend, to the point that she sort of sleepwalks out to this weird alter setup and politely lies on it to become a vessel for the Old Ones. Why do the sweet girls always fall for the bad boys?

Well, luckily for Sandra, an old professor back at Arkham University gets wise to what's going on. Luckily for mankind, he just happens to know the magic words that will counter Al's evil incantations and block the return of the darned Old Ones. He didn't give any indication before the climactic scene that he knew that stuff, but it turns out he did. You'd think, if he knew that much, he'd be more careful with the unholy Necronomicon and not leave it displayed in the middle of the college library where any old unbalanced occultist can steal it.


Crank
This movie stars that guy from The Transporter. It's not as good as The Transporter.

Mr. Transporter plays an assassin in this one. Some rivals inject him with a drug that will kill him in an hour. So, he calls his sleazy doctor, Dwight Yoakum. Dwight tells him that it's "some Chinese shit" and it really will kill him in an hour unless he keeps his adrenaline way up. Dwight is flying back from overseas, and he'll try to do a blood transfer or something when he gets into town.

So, Mr. Transporter spends the whole movie running around like a madman. He does crazy stunts, he does cocaine, he steals synthetic adrenaline, he has sex with Amy Smart in public, all to keep up his adrenaline and keep the poison at bay.

Here's the problem. All that crazy stuff, one insane thing after another, cut together with highly hectic editing, just wears on you after awhile. It's not fun to watch. It's too much.


Idiocracy
This is Mike Judge's second live action movie. Judge is the guy who brought us Beavis & Butthead, Office Space, and King of the Hill. Idiocracy isn't as good as any of those.

There's potential in there, but it never comes to be. Here's the best illustration of that. In one scene, the narrator of the film describes how the English language has devolved along with every other part of society. He says that it has become a mixture of hillbilly, hip hop, advertising, etc. It's a very evocative description, but we never get to hear people actually speaking that way. What we get instead is more like David Letterman's "Dumb Guy" schtick. People say things like "I like money" and "you sound queer." There could have been some good laughs from mixing together the elements mentioned in the narrator's description, but there aren't.

I can't help thinking that Judge didn't go deep enough into his premise. He just stays at the surface. Everyone is dumb, and sort of zombie-like. It could have been funnier if the dumb people thought they were actually smart, as is the case with so many truly dangerously dumb people. Five hundred years into the future might be a bit too far, too. Obviously a premise like this is designed to comment on today's society, not extrapolate what might really happen in the future. Setting this story a hundred, or even fifty years into the future, where the crassness and stupidity of modern society has simply overwhelmed the better parts, rather than grossly outbreeding them, could have kept the social commentary closer to home.


Insecticidal
I thought this would be a fun B movie with giant bugs. It wasn't. It had some giant bugs, but it wasn't fun. I really only watched about fifteen minutes of it.

What's up with MILK?! They're charging FOUR DOLLARS for a gallon of milk at Harris Teeter! That's more than GAS! Is Iran holding back their milk production or something? Is the milk cartel jacking up prices? This crap is ridiculous.

I wish that people would stop using the word noir. Nobody (including moi) who isn't a native speaker of French can say it right. It's not noo-ar or nuh-war. It's more like nwa, and unless you started parlez-ing le francais when you were l'enfant, you're more than likely saying it wrong, and it's annoying.

Veronica Mars & Violence

Last night I watched a re-run of Veronica Mars, the great show staring Kristen Bell. Each season of VM (it's on the 3rd now) has a central mystery. The first season, it was Who Killed Veronica's Best Friend? The second season, it was Who Made The School Bus Run Off The Road And Kill Those Kids? [One of those kids was one of Veronica's good friends, too. So you might not want to get too close to Veronica if you're a girl. If, however, you're a petulant rich kid bad boy, you'll get a far better fate than you deserve.] This season, the central mystery seems to be Who's The Serial Rapist On Campus? I say "seems" because I haven't been watching. Yeah, I wait for the DVDs. It's better that way.

This bothers me a bit. It's not really possible to just sit back and enjoy the intrigue and drama when the macguffin of the story is rape. The first season's murder involved movie stars, terminally ill inmates, wise-beyond-their-years teeenages, and other elements that took the story into the realm of soap opera. It was dramatic, and you felt for the characters, but it was fantasy. The second season was similar. Someone rigging a bus to run off a mountain highway in order to get revenge for a childhood trauma is, again, the stuff of soap opera. Now, when I say "soap opera", I'm not trying to belittle the show. I love the show. I'm saying it's a step beyond realistic.

Now in this third season, the topic is rape. There are certainly soap operatic elements, with multiple conspiracies, and vendettas and scandals. However, rape on a college campus is just too realistic to be part of an entertaining show. It really happens on a lot of college campuses, and it really does get covered up, and the perpetrators really do go unpunished far too much of the time. That all makes it very difficult for me to enter that entertainment mode, where the horrible things happening to people on screen make up part of a fun story. For example, war in a John Wayne flick is thrilling. War in a documentary about Iraq is depressing.

There's a similar thing that happened in comics a couple years back. DC comics ran a story called 'Identity Crisis'. One of the major plotpoints in this story was the rape of a superhero's wife. The inclusion of that element was far too much. Violence in superhero comics is crazy, it's unrealistic. Rape is too real. It's too cruel and too real for entertainment value. I've known young women who just assumed that at some point they'd be raped, and there really wasn't anything you could do about it, because statistics show that a large portion of the female population is sexually assaulted. No one is walking around fearing that they're going to get killed by Joker Gas, or ripped to shreds by Sabertooth. See the difference?

Now whenever I see that particular villain in a comic, I don't think, "Oh, there's the notorious Dr. Light! What nefarious scheme is he up to now?" Instead I think, "Why isn't that bastard dead?" And I have less repsect for the heroes who let him continue to walk the Earth. And it infuriates me that subsequent stories have made it clear that the heroes are supposed feel bad for altering this villain's mind so that he was less of a threat. That's just absurd. They should feel bad that he's still drawing breath. But that's a rant for another time, perhaps.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
The South
Boston
The Inland North
North Central
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I guess that's pretty close. I did grow up in the Mid South, not far from Missouri or southern Illinois. The quiz isn't that extensive, though. Most people who know me probably don't think that I have NO accent. I have a decent amount of Southern talk in me.